In the words of Jed Clampet, that wise old bird, “Iffen it ain’t loose, it’s sure a shootin’ got to be tight.” And that brings us to our subject today: How Is It You can Get Electricity from a Potato but not From a Cucumber? For the past forty years grade school students have been amazed when copper wires hooked up to the humble spud are able to light up a 25 watt bulb. This is Science, with a capital “S.” The lazy cuke, on the other hand, wouldn’t create a minute spark if you begged it to do so on your hands and knees. What’s the difference between these two vegetables, when it comes to making electricity? Simple. Potatoes like to listen to TED talks, whereas cucumbers would rather chill out with a few hours of Netflix.

We haven’t even begun to cover the issue of radishes, and because of the limitations of time and space we’re not going to even start on it today. That would be like bringing coal to Chernobyl, or, as Mr. Clampett might opine: “When a mule aims to kick, you better find yourself another place to swat flies.” Well said, Mr. Clampett, well said!

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